Thursday, May 29, 2008


What makes a good friend? Someone who shares your interests? your values? Lives near you ??? What changes an acquaintance into a friend?

I don't know that it is any one thing, I know people all over the world, some I count as friends, some as acquaintances, some I knew at school, some from the forces, some from various jobs, some from the pagan world, some through the CHD world. I have an eclectic old mix, young and old, different races, religions, social status ... but what makes some of them friends??

Friends should always be there for one another, friendship is a partnership, a meeting of two individuals, drawn together through circumstances but gelled together through a mutual liking. Friends forgive each other for their faults, they celebrate their differences and treasure their similarities. Friends will make sacrifices for each other, be it offering a shoulder to cry on, advice, a bottle of JD :D, they are there for each other!!! They try to empathise with each other, try to understand how each ticks.

My friends, are few, they know who they are, they are the ones who get to listen to me whinging, but also they are the ones who ring me when they want to whinge. They are the ones, who give as much as they receive. You know thats what I think friendship is about. Being there. I know a lovely lovely lady, I hope that she counts me as a friend as I count her as one. She is a much better friend than me, it must be said!! You see right now, she is having a real rough time, her little boy is awaiting major surgery, he is very poorly and she has to keep watching as he gets worse. Yet this wonderful lady, always always finds the time to ask ' How are you?' I text asking how her son is, she answers and everytime she ends her text with 'How are you? hows the kids?' shes not the only one, and I have learnt from these friends, what real friendships about.

This last week I have been thinking alot on this subject, in fact this post has been lurking in my draft folder the whole week, as I wrote, edited, rewrote, edited, rewrote it again and again. I wanted to get my thoughts straight really I guess. I have in the past 7 days experienced the best and the worst of friends. Someone who I had been there for through thick and thin, dumped on me from a great height last weekend, said some truly horribly hurtful things to me, made some truly awful suggestions to me, and left me feeling as if I wanted to crawl into a hole and never speak to another human being again. I felt as if I could never trust anyone else, that if this was how she, my good and dear friend felt about me, then how the heck did everyone else think of me. But then slowly as I started to pour out my feelings here, I started to re-emerge. Still very very hurt and still very wary, but no longer breaking my heart with sorrow over the way things had gone.

Today I got the very best of friendship. First thing this morning the door knocker banged. I rolled out of bed groaning, anyone knocking on a saturday morning usually means bad bad news!! but it was the post lady, and instead of her usual trick of handing me a pile of brown envelopes, she handed me a beautifully wrapped parcel. I knew straight away it had to be from someone in the heart kid world, instead of sellotape it was secured with micropore, believe me thats a heart mum thing, never find the sellotape but theres always rolls of micropore ... even here where we have no ng tubes rofl!! I opened the parcel, assisted of course by the littlies, to find a gorgeous piece of jewelery sent to me by another heart mum, who I had been in touch with whilst her son had been in hospital for a long period. I don't think I did anything mega special, just rang her occasionaly, and kept her up to date with all the gossip!! But it was obviously appreciated!! Thank you to that mum, I was happy to do it, would do it again anytime!! You are a special friend xx

I will support anyone who needs it, I will happily act as a go between/updater whilst kids are in hospital, I will even when I can, do hospital visits, complete with homecooked food for you to nuke in the ward microwave!!! I don't do it for any financial gain. I don't do it to be a creep. I do it because many years ago, my son lay in a hopital cot, desperately ill, and I remember vividly how hard that was. I was fortunate that my mum was able to help out, looking after my son whilst I took breaks away from the ward, but not everyone had that. I want to try whenever I can to be there to help. Believe me, when your child is lying there, and you don't know whats going to happen, in the next hour let alone the next day, week or year, then having someone to talk to, someone to share your worries with, who can google info for you and edit out the crap, someone who can come and share a cuppa with you... it means so much and makes such a difference. I will fight for any injustice I see, will set up a facebook petition to reverse an injustice, start petitions, protest, wave a banner.. !!! I have been through some really shite times, and I know from those experiences how important having someone to lean on is. So for all the times when I have had a friend to lean on, I want to give it back, pay it forward, backwards and sideways if needed!!!

At this moment in time, I need a bit of support. I have been dx with a condition that can kill, ARVC. I am facing the very real prospect that my kids have inherited the same condition. I am often in pain from arthritis and raynauds syndrome. I get chest pains from the ARVC. I have good days, days when I feel good, positive and happy. Then I get days when everything hurts, when the little voices in my sub conscious whisper reminders of all the future could hold for my family. Then I need a shoulder, a friend to turn to, an ear who will listen to my fears and help me to get things into perspective... strangely its those who have their plates not just full, but overflowing that seem to offer most!!

So thank you my friends, thank you for all the late night gossings, the pisstaking (who else would be able to make you smile when you just been told your hearts fecked!!), thank you for sharing your troubles with me, sorry for the times I have not been the best friend, thank you for giving me the friendships I have with you :) I appreciate and treasure you all more than you will ever know xxxxx

Heres to the future. To building ever stronger and better friendships.